Healthy dependence is good for a marriage, and it’s good for you as an individual. But it’s not something that just happens on its own. Learning to rely on another person can be difficult, especially if you get married later in life, when you’ve already lived years as a self-sufficient adult. The season of engagement affords couples an opportunity to start practicing dependence, to start yielding to each other and learning how to accept each other’s influence. Healthy dependence isn’t just emotional attachment to one another — it’s two people integrating into a symbiotic whole, engaging in a perpetual cycle of give and take.
The in-law experience is not monolithic. Frequently, however, LGBTQ couples face tension from family members who don’t support the relationship but don't reject them outright. That can leave us in the awkward position of trying to build relationships with people who don’t seem particularly interested in having us around
We’ve written about getting married at an older age and how it has given us more time to individually discover who we are as people. Although that’s true, I’m finding that perhaps I’ve put too much faith in self-awareness, and have misinterpreted our stability as stagnation. All of which is to say, I never expected us to change very much once we got married. How very naive I’ve been.
“So, is the Holy Spirit a boy or a girl?” asked one of the kids. “I don’t know!” said their pastor. “I usually say ‘he,’ because that’s what I am used to, but really the Holy Spirit is neither a ‘he’ nor a ‘she.’” “So they’re a ‘they!’” shouted out another kid, and the rest nodded, taking it at face value.My 38-year-old self marveled, feeling at once old and youthfully invigorated.
You may have noticed we've been slow to post here the past couple of months, and it's because we've been beavering away on a brand new project. We're excited to announce a partnership with Westminster John Knox Press, to turn Modern Kinship into a book!
We're so pleased for the opportunity to write in depth about LGBTQ relationships and marriage from a faith-based perspective. Thank you so much for going with us on this journey. Your prayers and encouragement are what has kept us going.
Most LGBTQ Christian couples are well-acquainted with what I like to call the Uninvited Spotlight. Sometimes it’s a subtle glow, other times it’s a glaring beam. We’re still enough of an anomaly in faith communities that we draw attention: a covert stare during worship, or perhaps a more explicit comment after the service. Depending on your church, some of this attention may be quite positive and welcoming; in other cases, it will embody the brunt of religious hostility. Either way, it can be difficult to date without the feeling of being watched.
We’re in escrow for a house. Assuming the rest of the process goes smoothly, we’ll be closing in about a week. “Escrow.” “Closing.” These are words I never thought I’d hear myself saying. Buying a house has always been David’s dream. He owned the apartment where he lived in Los Angeles, and renting has been unsettling to him the last few years in Portland. But me? Well, if I’m honest, I’ve never really minded being a renter
A reader asks, "How does a gay couple navigate the pitfalls and issues of jealousy or envy or even unfounded suspicion when one partner has a close gay friend where there may be room for temptation?" We say that trust is something you’re building every day. Every conversation, every act of service you perform for each other, even every conflict that arises, is an opportunity to either add to or chip away at your trust. Confidence that your partner won’t let you down grows as you become attuned to each other.
Guest post: "I was born in Bogotá, Colombia, and was raised in an evangelical Christian home. I am gay, and I have never given up on my Christian faith. I love my city and I love my country. I love our culture, our language, and our music. But being gay here is much harder than it is in more progressive parts of the world. Latin America is very conservative, and highly influenced by traditional Catholic thinking—not to mention the fundamentalist ideas of some evangelicals."
Only weeks after our one-year anniversary, I broke my wedding ring. I’m talking a full-on, cracked-into-pieces scenario. It was one of those slow-motion disasters that took a fraction of a second to happen but seemed to last for minutes. And as I watched the symbol of our marriage shatter across the sidewalk, the one thought gnawing at the pit of my stomach was: How am I going to tell my husband?