From a reader: “As a gay Christian, I am looking at two possibilities for my life: I could marry another man, and live the rest of my life with nagging doubts that I have sacrificed my relationship with God for this marriage. Or, I could choose not to marry a man, and blame God for the loneliness that I feel. … There's a third option, and that's to kill myself now, while I still am in good relationship with God.”
This summer we’ve been exploring challenges specific to the months leading up to marriage. For our fourth and last installment of the series, we’re talking about "Listening"—one of the habits a couple can learn during their engagement that will help them in marriage.
From one of our readers: “Friends who have been friends with us for years suddenly decided they won't be attending our wedding because they don't agree with us being "gay married." I'm wondering if you two faced this surprise heartache as well, and how you two dealt with it. … It's out of the blue when someone you've known for the past 10 years suddenly decide there was a limit, a glass ceiling, to our friendship; and that limit hits at marriage.”
Healthy dependence is good for a marriage, and it’s good for you as an individual. But it’s not something that just happens on its own. Learning to rely on another person can be difficult, especially if you get married later in life, when you’ve already lived years as a self-sufficient adult. The season of engagement affords couples an opportunity to start practicing dependence, to start yielding to each other and learning how to accept each other’s influence. Healthy dependence isn’t just emotional attachment to one another — it’s two people integrating into a symbiotic whole, engaging in a perpetual cycle of give and take.
The in-law experience is not monolithic. Frequently, however, LGBTQ couples face tension from family members who don’t support the relationship but don't reject them outright. That can leave us in the awkward position of trying to build relationships with people who don’t seem particularly interested in having us around
We’ve written about getting married at an older age and how it has given us more time to individually discover who we are as people. Although that’s true, I’m finding that perhaps I’ve put too much faith in self-awareness, and have misinterpreted our stability as stagnation. All of which is to say, I never expected us to change very much once we got married. How very naive I’ve been.
“So, is the Holy Spirit a boy or a girl?” asked one of the kids. “I don’t know!” said their pastor. “I usually say ‘he,’ because that’s what I am used to, but really the Holy Spirit is neither a ‘he’ nor a ‘she.’” “So they’re a ‘they!’” shouted out another kid, and the rest nodded, taking it at face value.My 38-year-old self marveled, feeling at once old and youthfully invigorated.
You may have noticed we've been slow to post here the past couple of months, and it's because we've been beavering away on a brand new project. We're excited to announce a partnership with Westminster John Knox Press, to turn Modern Kinship into a book!
We're so pleased for the opportunity to write in depth about LGBTQ relationships and marriage from a faith-based perspective. Thank you so much for going with us on this journey. Your prayers and encouragement are what has kept us going.
Most LGBTQ Christian couples are well-acquainted with what I like to call the Uninvited Spotlight. Sometimes it’s a subtle glow, other times it’s a glaring beam. We’re still enough of an anomaly in faith communities that we draw attention: a covert stare during worship, or perhaps a more explicit comment after the service. Depending on your church, some of this attention may be quite positive and welcoming; in other cases, it will embody the brunt of religious hostility. Either way, it can be difficult to date without the feeling of being watched.
We’re in escrow for a house. Assuming the rest of the process goes smoothly, we’ll be closing in about a week. “Escrow.” “Closing.” These are words I never thought I’d hear myself saying. Buying a house has always been David’s dream. He owned the apartment where he lived in Los Angeles, and renting has been unsettling to him the last few years in Portland. But me? Well, if I’m honest, I’ve never really minded being a renter